Friendship for Grownups – Review and Giveaway!

What would we do without homeschool mom FRIENDS???

“Friendship for Grownups” is the latest work by Lisa Whelchel.  Perhaps best known for her role as “Blair” in the popular ‘80s sitcom “Facts of Life,” Lisa is also a Christian, pastor’s wife, homeschooling mom, public speaker and the author of fifteen books spanning topics from parenting to homeschooling to Bible study.

“Friendship for Grownups” is both autobiographical and how-to. Lisa discusses the crucible experiences from her past that formed the lens through which she filtered the world and people in it.  She shares her personal struggles with persona and how her need to be in control of every aspect of her life impeded her ability to recognize and foster true, honest friendships.  She’s put a lot of thought into a subject that many of us take for granted:  navigating friendships.  Deep, honest female bonds don’t just happen, but are intentional and require attention.  Her story inspired me to examine my own life lens filter, while offering new points of view to consider.

In the main body of the book, Lisa explores the concepts of being needy (you have permission to be needy), being real, finding and being a safe friend, as well as facing, accepting and growing from conflict.   At the back of the book, she provides questions for reflection or discussion, and practical steps for developing and growing friendships with conversation prompts to get you started.

“Friendship for Grownups” is an easy read; Lisa’s style is engaging, conversational and, though she references heavily the work of Dr. Henry Cloud, her book is also infused with biblical and spiritual wisdom.

Thomas Nelson, publisher, has given us 5 copies of “Friendship for Grownups” to give away to our readers!

Do any or all of the following to enter to win (each must be in a separate comment to count separately):

  • 1 entry = comment on this post and answer this question – “how many ‘close’ friends do you have?”
  • 1 entry = tweet about this giveaway and follow @hsbapost and @gooblink (me!)
  • 1 entry = click the like button on our facebook fan page in the sidebar!
  • 1 entry = subscribe to the Homeschool Post ‘feed’ by reader or email
  • 2 entries = blog about “Friendships” and leave a comment with a link to your article

Entries will be accepted through Tuesday, September 28, 2010.  Winners will be randomly selected by Random.org.

Peace,

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Comments

  1. says

    Do sisters count? I have a sister I share everything with. Along with a few friends from long ago I’m extremely comfortable with. But they’re all pretty far away most of the time. It’s hard making new grown-up friends. I wish I knew how.

  2. says

    I have my sister who is my best friend and about two or three other women that are besties. Then I have around four other women who are close to me and we talk regularly.

  3. says

    I wish I could say I have a ton but close friends that I can just be myself with is maybe a hand full. But 3 of those are my husband, mom and sister. The other two are true friends. one of which lives too far away.

  4. says

    A subject so near and dear to my heart. It wasn’t until I was well into my 30s that I learned both how to BE a friend and how to HAVE a friend. Today I feel so fortunate to have a handful of go-to women, those whom I trust spiritually and who guard my heart as I guard theirs.

  5. Zekesmom10 says

    Interesting question. While I have several “close-ish” friends, they all have other friends with whom they are much closer. Kind of makes me sad, actually.

  6. says

    It’s pitiful really. I have no close friends. There is one friend that I could call if I were desperate and needed my children picked up or something. We used to be really good friends until the 2008 election. Yep. She’s a “why can’t we all get along” democrat, and I’m a “wake up and smell the coffee” social and fiscal conservative with a self-employed husband. My reality was too much for her. There is another friend at Bible study that I can share some things with, but there is always this sense that she is holding an invisible arm out that says, “just this far.” There are lots of people that I have a friendly acquaintance with whom I can smile and greet with genuine regard, but they are not the friends you “call at 4 am” (Garbo I think). I have really good neighbors and wonderful people I see at choir once a week. But close friends…no.

    I have been praying over the last few years for a pair or two of close “couple friends” or a “girlfriend or two” that I can have fun with, pray with, and talk about God with. Friends who don’t mind that I’m older but have children. Age is such as dividing line! Friends who are happy with their husbands and would like to “double-date” occasionally. Friends who understand that I have a “helpless” non-driving widowed mother-in-law that I must nurture on the weekend, and an “equal time” demanding widower father, both of whom I love, but both of whom frustrate me to tears with their lack of understanding sometimes, so if I complain please don’t think I’m horrible. Friends who understand that neither my husband nor I have siblings, to help with my children so I can’t always “go.” And if I get them a small gift at Christmas it’s because I truly don’t have an extensive gift list and I thought of them, and there’s no obligation…really! I would love a friend that could come over and hang out with me while I fold laundry. Or go for a walk around the neighborhood, or meet me for coffee and a visit to the Chrysler Museum now that it’s free, and not mind that my 9 year old daughter is with me!

    I am so lonely sometimes it is painful, and when it is really bad, I ask God, “Why?” I’ve asked Him many times over the years since I took a severance package and had my daughter at the age of 39. I’ve reflected on friendships in the past and repented of thoughtlessness, and neglect. I’ve wondered if my years in the corporate world where you have forced relationships in close quarters did something to my ability to connect outside of a working relationship. I’ve re-examined people in my life thinking that maybe I’m asking too much, or maybe I’m snobby in some way.

    Facebook was a humbling experience. I “connected” and “friended” many people from my church, which is probably the largest part of my life, and even after investing time praying for each of them during a prayer vigil, and taking time to view their photos and leave notes, “liking” their recipes, or their videos, playing their endless “get-to-know-you” quizes, I found that I got more caring response, really just response, to anything going on in my life from total strangers in distant places, than I got from the people in my own “faith family.”

    I know. Sounds like I’m probably a real *&%$# right? Maybe I am. But I don’t think so. I think I’m a risk. I think I don’t look or act like they do and they don’t know how to be friends with someone who is not their mirror image. I’m older and I don’t color my hair, women my age generally do. In my recent experiences with the homeschool community, women with children my daughters age dismiss me with a glance. I’m a little pudgy. Not bad – but I could lose about 25 lbs. My teeth aren’t white. I can’t help it – I’ve had whitening treatments, but my family’s teeth just aren’t white.

    I’m painfully reminded of watching another woman I know at my daughter’s (former) Lutheran school. This mother of my daughter’s class mate was in a lower socio-economic group, and not sophisticated. She wore glasses, no makeup, she was overweight and wore sweat pants and sweat shirts all the time. The other mothers in this “Christian” school would barely speak to her. I was always included in the “group” because I had been a school parent for so many years, but after I started including her, they didn’t have as much to say to me. As Christians we know that we are supposed to reach out to the poor, the imprisoned, the hungry, the sick. Good grief! How about reaching out to the under-dressed, the un-stylish, the slightly less affluent than you, the un-witty, the un-hip, the one who doesn’t get manicures, pedicures or color her hair, the un-cool! There’s a big minstry opportunity for you!

    Really the only person I can tell anything to is my husband. He is my best friend. I know how blessed I am with him, and I thank God for him everyday. Unfortunately, he doesn’t like romantic comedies, he does NOT like to shop, and he isn’t interested in meeting for coffee. “Can’t we just make a pot at home? It’s so much cheaper!”

    • says

      Girl, you are not kidding! Sara, you would fit into our homeschool group and my *world* perfectly! I am praying for you this morning that God will send just the right people to your life at just the right time – and that you will have wisdom and the eyes to see that they are blessings straight from Him.

  7. Karen says

    Really I think I would only consdider my husband & mom truly close friends. I guess maybe I really need this book! I have about 3 other pretty close friends.

  8. Krystal says

    Well, my mom and two sisters and I have two close friends I see weekly. I have a few other friends that I don’t see or talk to often. With these friends we pick up where we left off with sharing, crying, confronting and praying.

  9. says

    I have three or four local friends who bless me with their friendship. And I have two that would be “kindred spirits” were we to live close enough to keep in touch. I am always thankful for my friendships and it has been the work of many years to develop them.

  10. says

    I have a lot of friends… but as for the ‘4am friends’ there are very, very few. In fact, I think my mother and husband are the 4am-friends of my life. I like to think that my children are becoming those types of friends, too. Someday.

    I really love people. I wish I could collect all the people I know and keep them in a firefly jar – take one out at a time and smile at their sparkle … I think I get overwhelmed by the amount of wonderfulness in people and how many people there are that are wonderful and it keeps me from getting too close to any of them. I wish it weren’t that way.

    • says

      The “firefly jar” is a wonderful image, Sprittibee. You know, you can call me at 4AM. (You also know it may be a few days before I return the call, eh?) LOL

      Yep, I have some work to do on being a good friend. :)

      All these comments are great. Keep ’em coming!

    • Sara says

      Thanks for you very kind comment (22)!

      I really appreciate that you include your children! One of my prayers is that my children and I will always remain close and supportive, in all of the healthy ways!

      The firefly jar image is really interesting! People can add so much light to our lives, but they are often elusive, and they flash for a moment and then if we try to find them, it’s too dark, or they’ve flown away.

      It’s hard to find the time to enjoy people in the midst of, well, life, I guess. I think that’s why I am so hungry for friends that can be a part of life, and not require a special event in order to be there. There’s a lot of Christian fiction that features this uber friend that is non-competitive, wise, stops by with chicken soup at just the right moment to offer a Biblical solution to a messy situation, and also help clean the house. Where ARE these people!? (I know, that means I have to be one too!)

  11. says

    God has definitely blessed me by my friends. I am a people-person, and He obviously knows that. :) My husband and parents are my best friends and my biggest supporters and I know they are there FOR me and WITH me unconditionally. I have a handful of girlfriends that I would call at anytime of the day or night and they would never question. They have proven that. The best friends I have love me unconditionally, yet don’t hesitate to look at me and tell me that I am wrong. I think it is so important to not just have friends on the best of days, but also in the hardest of times. For encouragement. For inspiration. For accountability. My dad and I were recently having a conversation about friends and he told me *There are friends for a reason, friends for a season, and then there are friends for life* – There is so much truth in that statement.

  12. says

    I have five close friends, two of whom I will share anything and everything with — the others I’ll share most things with, but my relationships with them is growing closer day by day. :)
    Thanks for the contest!
    Megret
    musesofmegret (at) gmail (dot) com

  13. says

    It is sad to say, but I only have about two friends that I would consider CLOSE friends…and one of them is my sister! I have found that I have been able to develop closer friendships with fellow bloggers than with people IRL.

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