Trust

I had to say it and it had to come out. “I’m done.”

There I was, surrounded by noise and chaos and clutter.

This wasn’t the life I had wanted. This was not what I thought it would be like. My dreams as a new bride, my visions of perfection, were gone and instead I was surrounded by child-people who always took but rarely gave back. I was their mother and this was my home… but it was too much. Who could I hand in my resignation to?

“I’m done.” I repeated to no-one in-particular.

This time I knew that something would have to change or this life, this journey I was on, would be nothing more than a mess.

I stepped into the laundry room and shut the door. I wanted to scream, yell, stomp my feet.

I sat down next to the piles of dirty towels. What else could I say? What could be done that would help?

I could not give an answer.

“God. Father. LORD!” I whispered in the dark. “Where are YOU?” The soft, folded towels and dirty clothes were silent accusers.

“Have you left?”

Waiting on the floor, I sat. I sat. And sat. The machines continued to spin.

Where was He? Maybe He had abandoned me as it seemed everyone else had. But no. That couldn’t be possible. I had just read it in His Word today. Where was it?

I went to find my worn, maroon-colored Bible. Thumbing through it, I traced my finger over the promise. There.

“Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” ~ Psalm 9:10

Trust: a hard term for someone who wants to steer her life into that earlier vision of perfection. Reality had set in and I had lost my vision. I had lost my grip on what was true.

Trusting Him implies the total (and perhaps painful) sacrifice of my way and it takes me recognizing that God is (and always has been) the holder – the director – of my life.

It is not a one-time giving over of control. No.

This trust requires daily and conscious squelching of our internal power struggle. Yet, it has to be done.

After all, why would He forsake one who implicitly trusts Him with her very life and work and desires and tears.

He does not. He will not.

Laundry will overflow. School books and practice sheets will be lost. Walls will become works of Crayola art. Children will fight and lie and do all of the things we sinners seem to do best. Dinner will be late. You will have arguments with your spouse. You will get sick. People will hurt you.

This will all happen. But He will not forsake you.

Will you trust?

The Homeschool Post