Before I tell you our story, I want to be absolutely crystal clear that I am unbelievably proud of my son!
Since he was about 2 years old, I have known that something was different from other kids. He categorized and lined up his cars and dinosaurs, he insisted that his sippy cup must be lined up in a certain spot before he would take it, and countless other little hints that something was just – well, different – for him.
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Every time that I would mention these concerns to the pediatrician – or to others who I felt might be able to offer insight – I consistently heard the same refrain, “As long as he’s happy, you don’t want him to be labeled anyway – do you?” So, I would slink back to my corner shamefaced because of course I didn’t want something as dreadful as a label. (And I knew that it must be terrible given the disdain in their voices.)
He’s 10 now, and last summer began a chain of events which would ultimately give me the answers that I craved but certainly not in a way that I expected or desired if we’re going to be completely honest here.
Fast forward to the day that we finally got to meet with a psychologist at one of the best children’s hospitals in the US, and she gave us the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. I felt a wave of relief wash over me. But then she explained that many of the behaviors we had noticed were actually stress reactions.
My poor baby has been experiencing STRESS, and I didn’t KNOW it! How heartwrenching to find out that if I had persisted and pushed for that despised label, I would have known earlier the distress that Rex was experiencing on a daily basis.
In the end, I am grateful for the label of Aspergers because it means that I am now able to learn how to help him understand the world around him as well as help him to find his place in it. No longer are we disciplining him for what is in essence a communication barrier – we are learning his language and teaching him ours.
I encourage you – don’t be afraid of labels but instead embrace anything that helps you understand your child better and gives you tools to help them succeed!
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
GREAT post!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Erin!
Thank you for sharing this. I completely agree that the more we know, the better we can help our children. Labels can be scary as sometimes they are used as a reason for a child’s behavior, period. (And that is as far as it goes.) Instead one needs to find out as much as possible about the condition (not just Aspergers) and use the information so the child can be the happiest and most productive person possible.
You’re absolutely right – the end goal is that they are the happiest and most productive possible – good point!
Thank You
Sincerely!
You are very welcome, Stacey!
Such a great post Ginger
Thank you very much, Kristal!
I am so happy for you all. As parents we have to power through for these kiddos. There are people, doctors, teachers grandparents etc everywhere who bring their own “stuff” to the table and we have to look beyond that to what is best for our child. Bravo for doing the hard thing. I am so happy for you all now to discover his new language together!
Jamie, you’re absolutely right – i never really thought about them having their own “stuff” that could influence how they saw him – good point!
I was relieved at my middle daughter’s diagnosis as well. It made it easier to explain her behavior to my family and let them know the sensory integrations, etc were real to her, she was not being intentionally disruptive or disrespectful. The diagnosis has helped me relate to her more sensitively and adress issues and coping strategies.
Kimberly, I’m so glad to know that there are others out there that had the same reaction – I was starting to feel like the odd duck
We just have to keep being their biggest advocates!
Wonderful post and I couldn’t agree more. We had a similiar situation with our now 6 year old son and when we finally broke down and went to see the neuropsychologist and got his diagnosis and “label” (PDD) I cried. Then I wiped away my tears and told myself that he was still the same little boy I knew and loved and that the diagnosis would only serve to help us help him in the best ways possible. We made a lot of changes for him in the past year since his diagnosis (including beginning homeschooling) and he is thriving! I couldn’t be more proud of him.
We felt the same when our son was dx with asperger syndrome. He is 20 now, going to college, but it has been a battle and continues to be so. I have shared lots of info on my blog that might come in handy with your family.
I couldn’t agree with you more! Over the past few years, I have been torn between wanting answers and not wanting her “labeled.” We have finally begun to receive answers, and I must admit that I am relieved and very happy. I finally understand more about my daughter—who she is, how her brain works, why she struggles. Now that I have that understanding, I can help her!
Thanks for the wonderful post.
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