Learn to Love the Child You Don’t Like

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We’ve all listened in sympathy as a friend told stories about growing up feeling like the black sheep of the family.  In fact, some of us may have grown up viewing a sibling, or even ourselves, as a black sheep.

Although we know it is unfair and entirely inappropriate to play favorites, there can be times within our own families when one child consistently annoys or irritates us, despite his or her best intentions.  This child often:

• has a personality that is eerily similar or vastly different than our own,
• has significant behavioral challenges,  or
• just seems out of place within the family.

These problems can be even more stressful for homeschoolers because we are with our children constantly.

Harboring negative feelings toward a particular child is often a secret source of guilt and shame.  However, we can only deal with this problem by bringing it into the light.  Here are 3 steps for learning to love the child you don’t like:

1. Fess up.

Do you tend to avoid, dread being around or look forward to time away from a certain child?  Are you correcting one child more than others?  Do you argue with one child more than others?  Has one of your children complained about being treated unfairly?  Do your children often rush to the defense of one of their siblings?

As a parent, it can be hard to admit that you are treating one child differently than others.  If you think you may have a blind spot in this area, ask your husband or a good friend for feedback, and be willing to listen to an honest opinion.

2. Grow up.

Acting only according to our feelings is a major sign of immaturity.  Resolve to treat your children in a loving manner, no matter how you feel.

Make a conscious effort to shower love and approval on the child you want to avoid.   Invite younger children to hold your hand or sit on your lap.  Give your child a hug, a pat on the head or a high five whenever you cross paths.  Take time to join your child in a favorite activity, no matter how boring you may find it.

With older children, take walks together or sit shoulder to shoulder while you read, watch TV or listen to music.  Strike up conversation, and make sure you do more listening than talking.  Share your interests with your child, and learn more about his or her interests.

3. Embrace your child as is.

Rude, disrespectful and anti-social behaviors need to be corrected.  However, it is important for us as parents to distinguish between a child who is misbehaving and a child who is doing his or her best to behave, yet still missing the mark for some reason.

Know that it is okay for your child to be different.  Learn everything you can about personality types and interaction between individuals with different personalities.  Make a list of your child’s strengths, and think about how these strengths will serve your child in the future.

Most importantly, don’t give up.  Purposefully look for the good in your child – not so you can offer false praise, but so you can truly see and appreciate your child for the awesome individual he or she was created to be.

Carletta Sanders is a homeschool mom of four and editor of the website Successful Homeschooling.  For more information, ideas and inspiration for homeschoolers, visit Carletta’s homeschool blog.