As I bowed low into her hiding place, reflexively thinking over how to rightly admonish my three year old daughter most effectively (yet again); regarding her repeated dishonesty in sneaking more of the off-limits “chwock-a-lit” to indulge her impetuous desire for more and more of that sweetness which had been declared off-limits to her (because it would ultimately do her harm), my own words stopped short as the Word pricked my heart.
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Rebuke I’d intended for her quickly echoed hollow in my mind, and I choked on the truth I knew, even as it lodged with its full force right in my own throat, making bitter that which had previously seemed sweet to my own untamed tongue.
Rehearsed authority faltered. Humbled I was now, by her childish innocence here marred by self-inflicted, simple guilt even she instinctively hid from so comically, as she crouched in the corner behind the shelf across the kitchen from me, hand held over her eyes, undoubtedly convincing herself that I could not see her.
In that lucid moment, I saw myself in her; sharing realization of the swimming conviction over something which my own heart had been wrestling with recently… I recognized that hiding place too, and even the childish attempt at covering guilt with feeble rationalizations: constructs of human hands.
My own coddled and misplaced passion, with its ensuing tangled emotions, which had been so carefully tucked away for more serious consideration and dealings later, now found unexpected reprieve in this simple, yet revelatory Light; naming it for what it was. Deceit. The direction of my intent was now crystal clear. My own hope of forgiveness was now reflected in the endless blue expectation of this child’s gaze; her trusting repentance staring unabashedly back up at me.
Instead of the standard-issue reprimand, I haltingly kneeled down beside this precious little one, relating completely to her plight as I knowingly hugged her tight. That most profoundlyly elemental understanding of Grace gripped me once again, wholeheartedly, and a holy repentance washed over me; kissing away the guilt, leaving blessed gratitude in its stead.
So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
I gently reminded my little one (and myself) of how King Yahweh will help us when our heart is weak and needs Him most: in the face of temptation, when it wants to go its own way (because it inevitably will; even the greatest of men have fallen) and prefers to do the wrong thing, unable to choose what is right on its own; if only we would sincerely ask Him.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
I prayed for her there, and asked her to pray for me, “that King Yahweh would help Mommy’s heart too”; for forgiveness, healing and steady strengthening to choose that which is good, that which brings life. Abba was listening… and even now, He’s answering my call. HalluYah! He has sent me this child, and His Word, both of through which He is graciously teaching me, even as I am sharing these lessons with her and my other children (hopefully in a meaningful way).
When we cannot find the strength to pull ourselves away from strong temptation, and even when we’ve fallen, we should pray for help, get up, and begin again… Remember that when we fail, when we’re tempted to hide from him, He is ever waiting to forgive us, even making ready to fight for us.
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
In my own battles with guilt, I have at times been so simply overcome with such an overwhelming sense of despair and desperate helplessness, that I have felt utterly defeated… and on my own, I would have been defeated, many times over. Yet time and time again, I am astounded at His faithfulness to bow low and meet me in my own hiding place, finding me, gently correcting and teaching me; right where I am. Truly, He is our Abba Father, who loves us with an everlasting love.
May we cry out to Him openly, pleading honestly our case(s) before Him, that we may more readily receive His daily intervention(s) on our behalves. His loving-kindness and long-suffering are unalterable… Above all else, may we teach our children this great Truth: that they/we are loved with an everlasting LOVE!
A dear friend that I hadn’t spoken with in some time sent an email with this link in it to me only yesterday, and I found its message contained a very encouraging, timely reminder to my own heart: The Elijah Legacy: Commissioned in a Cave. My profoundly desperate need for more time spent hidden in Him has been more intimately realized. I hope that it might offer strength to someone else as well.
It’s a new day… and He is a STRONG DELIVERER. This morning, my Elohim reminded me of this, that He is as near to me as the breath within:
The LORD hear thee in the day of trouble; the name of the God of Jacob defend thee; Send thee help from the sanctuary, and strengthen thee out of Zion;
Remember all thy offerings, and accept thy burnt sacrifice; Selah.
Grant thee according to thine own heart, and fulfil all thy counsel.
We will rejoice in thy salvation, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners: the LORD fulfill all thy petitions.
Now know I that the LORD saveth his anointed; he will hear him from his holy heaven with the saving strength of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought down and fallen: but we are risen, and stand upright.
Save, LORD: let the king hear us when we call.
~ Psalm 20
Embracing the adventure,
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There is such Grace in gentle correction and instruction. It reminds me of Jesus when the woman who was caught in adultery was brought to Him. Gentle correction for the purpose of restoration. Beautiful!
Thank you for the encouraging word, means a lot. Well, He’s certainly the ONLY One who can (truly reach, reveal and redeem their/our hearts), right? Ask me how I know? My own heart is still all mucked up… but slowly, I’m learning… and daily …I’m humbled, reminded that it’s by Grace alone that we stand.
…and I mean, honestly, it WAS chocolate that she was facing off with here, anyways, right?! lol Who am I to cast the first stone there?! Bwaaahahaha! Anyone?
Thank you. I needed this tonight.
You’re welcome, Ritsumei.
Great advice!! I sometimes struggle with my step daughter. Lately she has been sneaking candy, will lie right to my face when she knows I know better, and all the typical pre-tween stuff. It is hard to decide just how to handle these situations since I am a step-mom who is just starting to build a relationship with her.
What a lovely story of love and grace.
I needed this today, Beth. For myself and for my children. Thank you for sharing it so beautifully.
Thank you so much for the inspiration and encouragement that our Elohim WILL guide us with our children, and WILL heal our own hearts and fears in the process. Your post had tears coursing down my face ( but then I am pregnant with number two, so perhaps that is a given??) I am so encouraged by your blog site- I want to thank you for taking the time to post and to give so freely all that has been given to you.
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