ruminations regarding time

Last year was an eventful one for our family. We had our lives turned totally upside down, with my husband’s running out of work, which led to our having to sell our home last summer, and then, while leaving most of our stuff in storage, we relocated to a new city for another job opportunity which has so far mostly dissolved into disillusion and disappointment…

Meanwhile as Chris applies to job after job (over 60! so far, the last of which he found out had over 1900 applicants, and he was doing good just to have been in the top 5% who got an interview!), we are living in limbo, this faith-engaging transitional season with no known end yet in sight, and though we are thankful for our temporary month-to-month rental, I am so ready to be settled again, to feel at home.

According to Mirriam-Webster, the word limbo is derived from the Medieval Latin word limbus, which means border:

2 a : a place or state of restraint or confinement b : a place or state of neglect or oblivion <proposals kept in limbo> c : an intermediate or transitional place or state d : a state of uncertainty

And though it may sure feel like a sort of purgatory, as any bona fide Believer who’s spent much time walking with our Lord will tell you, times like these are simply a part of growing, a time meant for teaching us to trust Him, a time to receive strength in our weakness… We are His Church, His Beloved Bride whom He loves, His children whom He disciplines, and teaches. In this knowledge, I do rejoice and take heart, knowing that this time has great potential!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

~ James 1.2-5

In many regards, it feels like our lives are somewhat on hold, as we’re still living off of dwindling equity money, praying for an income as we’re waiting on Adonai to multiply our efforts, and bless Chris with a job, wandering in a wilderness of sorts, wondering where Adonai Yir’eh (The LORD who sees; Gen. 22:14; Adonai sees and knows all of our needs intimately -rendered in the KJV & transliterated as Jehovah Jireh) will lead us. However, we are finding unexpected blessings along this way as well…

For instance, we’ve been enjoying all of the extra *home-time* we’ve had together this year, since we’ve been uprooted, and transplanted, hesitant to become too involved locally, knowing we may be moving, yet again, at any time. Without such busy days, and all of the extra-curricular activities that we’ve had going on throughout our weeks in years past, the kids and I have found so much more time for creating, reading more books aloud together again and just for playing together as a family, etc. Chris and I have been drawn into studying the Word together more, and we’ve been so much more consistent with our family Bible times again too. This whole school year has seemed like a sabbatical of sorts for all of us, a special, hidden, safe time… a time to re-group and re-calibrate, check our bearings and prepare for the journey that lies ahead (homeschooling highschool?! next year, for one), whatever that may be.

In the midst of all of this change and uncertainty, I think that we have found extra comfort in just being *home* (together) more, and the extra down-time that it’s afforded us to homeschool- here, at home… not having to rush here or there, and not having encroaching schedules and deadlines from lots of extra-curricular/outside activities limiting nor interrupting what we’d otherwise like to be pursuing has been nice for a change. Of course, those times we’ve had so much going on have been wonderful  too, and it will sure be nice to get involved in a lot more again, all in due time, as there’s a lot of activities that I/we have been a part of that we miss and would like to get involved in once we get settled again. However, I was somewhat surprised last month when my kids declined my offer for us to get involved in a local homeschool co-op here this semester, saying that they’d rather not, “because we’re liking just being home more and having more time to do stuff here”. Interesting, I thought, as the weight of some (apparently needless) self-imposed guilt over all that we’d left behind lifted.

Yes, I have just simply been so blessed as I’m rediscovering that indispensable resource that we as busy mothers and homeschoolers so often find ourselves short on… time. This continuity of uninterrupted time at home has been invaluable, allowing us to re-discover and pursue some interests, to fine-tune our  homeschooling rhythms and to just find that thinking spot again. I’ve gotten more organized (which granted, is easier to do with less stuff!), and have been pleasantly surprised to hear our two oldest children exclaim to me numerous times that this has been our “best homeschool year yet”! Wow, really?!

The Lord has been answering a prayer that’s resonated within my soul for years… Regarding time and money, I am choosing to listen to the Master, who gives faith, by which I am trusting my Messiah. He is teaching me an invaluable lesson.

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

~ Psalm 90.12

Our greatest homeschool resource is not money- to buy all of the books on our wish-list, or season passes to all of the museums we can visit, it’s not music lessons, nor the latest, greatest co-op or curriculum… it’s simply TIME. We all have it. Time to spend together, to apply ourselves to learning, reading, laughing, creating, listening, sharing, time for choosing when we should be putting the world aside to spend these preciously short days together with our children, as well as time for knowing when we should be jumping into our extended community with both feet!

I’ve been reminded that our kids really do value time spent with us, their parents, more than anything else right now… even as a tween and a teen. Imagine that?! I’ve also been reminded that our LORD is ever-faithful, and He knows what is ultimately best for us, and is always working on our behalf (if we’re truly seeking to make Him LORD of our lives, our time and all of our other resources). I’m learning that no matter what life brings our way, we always. have. time… so long as we’re breathing. While I sometimes find myself grieving over wasted time, I’m relieved and thankful for time anew this morning, today… hopefully tomorrow. Time together with those I love, such a boundless gift.

I’m finding myself praying for wisdom regarding my/our use of this invaluable resource on a daily basis… that I would choose wisely how we spend our time, because it is so fleeting. One thing I’ve seen over the years, is that the Lord’s BEST for someone, for a family, can sure be circumvented by a whole lot of otherwise GOOD things. And naturally what is time best spent for each and every family will be different. There’s no cookie-cutter formula/answer on this one. Nope, it’s something we must each carry to God in prayer, individually. I’d venture to say that this task of time management is also one of the most important lessons we’ll teach our children… One of those lessons they’ll learn by way of habit, and are more likely to catch from watching and being with us, rather than from anything we say. Sometimes, that’s a scary thought, huh?

One HUGE area in my own life where the Lord has been dealing with me regarding my own personal time-management issues (’cause I’ve got issues! lol), which is also fatally tied in with my own personal biggest hurdle/regret as a parent, has been my idolatry selfishness over-indulgence with time spent on the computer. There. I said it. What started out so innocently years ago, soon morphed into an addiction for this often overwhelmed, self-indulgent, non-disciplined, obsessive-compulsive stay-at-home mama chicky. It was subtle, and confusing too, since so much that was redeeming, necessary and good was tangled up in what was not.

My own addiction was particularly bad during a time of depression that I went through a few years ago (though I didn’t recognize it as such at the time)… however, I can now see that part of it was good too, since I was writing and sorting through things in a way that I wouldn’t have, had I not been blogging… So you see, I’ve personally found that there are no easy answers here, but rather a need to be prayerfully guarding how I spend my time, each. and every. day.

Balance is key, and your family is probably a pretty reliable gauge. Pay attention to them and what they think or say about how you’re spending your time, both individually and together as a family. Pray about what is healthy and most profitable, rather than simply permittable… That’s a hard one, it’s where I’ve been here recently.

For me, this computer issue is a love/hate thing. Honestly, realizing how much it’s robbed me of precious time with my family already, time that I gave away, not appreciating its real value and fleeting nature for what it was/is has made me consider nixing it altogether, killing the blog, dumping facebook, etc. Instead, I’ve opted to just be more vigilant, resisting the urge to feel obligated to anything else before my family. I’m more careful now, more disciplined and really just more over it. I’ve come to love computer sabbaticals, and am consciously guarding my commitments made very carefully, both online and “in real life”.

And it is with this in mind that I thought to share the following with you, which really struck a chord with me, from Spunky, over at SpunkyHomeschool:

Mom’s on the Computer (or not) …a song I recently rewrote (with apologies to Harry Chapin) as an intro to my upcoming workshop, iHelp for the eHome – learning to stay focused and use electronics and the Internet responsibly in an era that makes it all too easy to twitter our time away.

Mom’s on the Computer (to the tune of Cat’s in the Cradle.)

My computer arrived just the other day,
It came on the porch in the usual way
So many blogs to read and games to play
My child learned to walk, while I twittered away
And he was talkin’ for I knew it, as my friends list grew
He’d say I’m gonna be like you mom
You know I’m gonna be like you

And mom’s lost on the computer, lettin’ dinner burn
Little boy wanders, he just wants to learn
When you getting off mom?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
we’re gonna have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said “thanks for the wii, mom, come on let’s play”
“Can you teach me how it works?” I said “Not today”
“I got a blog to write” he said “that’s okay”
And he walked away while the computer never dimmed
He said, “I’m gonna be like them, yeah”
You know I’m gonna be like them

And mom’s lost on the computer lettin’ dinner burn
Little boy wanders, he just wants to learn
When you getting off mom?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
We’re gonna have a good time then

Well my son came home just the other day
iPod in his ears, while he texted away
“Son, I’m proud of you, can you sit for a while?”
He shook his head and he said with a smile
“I’d really like to Mom, but talkins’ not my thing”
“Check my status, for what’s happening”

And mom’s lost on the computer lettin’ dinner burn
Little boy wanders, he just wants to learn
When you getting off mom?
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then

Well my blog’s retired and my Facebook out-of-date
My son texted, “Hey mom, I just can’t relate”
I said, “I’d like to see you if you have some time.”
He said, “I’d love to mom but skype if you don’t mind.”
“You see my website’s down and my workload just grew.”
“but it’s sure nice texting with you, mom”
It’s been sure nice texting with you.”

And as I typed “c u later” it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

Embracing the adventure,