It never fails.
I walk in to a store and someone stops to watch my four children and me parade through the aisles. I can practically see it coming. They wait for the perfect moment, and approach me with, “Well! You certainly have YOUR hands full!” If it’s not that comment, then it is something like, “I don’t know how you do it!” Possibly the worst one yet is, “You have FOUR children? Don’t you know what causes that??”
These statements have always bothered me. I am sure that these individuals are just looking for some light conversation. But when their harmless words leave their mouths, they arrive in my ears something like this: “What on Earth would make you have FOUR children??” It slightly offends me, and I can tell that it bothers my older children, who understand what they are saying.
In the past, I would simply smile, nod and continue on my path to avoid further conversation. But eventually, I realized that my children could benefit from hearing me defend my position, and defend them! I often have to remind myself to use EVERY opportunity as a learning experience!
You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
(Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV)
I believe in giving my children the reasoning behind everything. This should help them to make their own best decisions some day, and it helps to keep me accountable!
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Proverbs 22:6 ESV)
I have found that the quickest way to end such comments from passers-by is to tell them what delight my children bring to me. I often respond with, “They are so amazing- They make every day beautiful!” This comment will bring some strange looks, as though I am speaking a foreign language to the person standing opposite me.
As a nation, have we lost sight of what treasures our children are to us? Do we now look at them as obligations, instead of blessings?
Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalms 127:3-5 ESV)
As a general public, I believe we have changed our perspective about our own children. We have changed the parent/child relationship as well. I believe we have become so familiar with the idea that our children must play every sport, be involved in every club, attend every social event… that we have lost sight of the two most important bonds our children can have in their lives; God and the Earthly parent.
My Pastor once said, “Lifelong experiences aren’t found on a soccer field, in a football trophy, or in a cheerleading practice. They are found in relationships.” I can’t tell you how much I agree with this statement. I have been a life-long singer, and I grew up as a cheerleader of 9 years, a dancer for 5 years, and a track runner. Although it was great to win the championships, perform for the huge crowds, and see the rewards of non-stop practices, none of those events changed my life. But a 15 second bike race with my father is ingrained into my memory for life. So are laughs with my mom, beach trips with my sister, special moments with my husband, and countless moments with my children. I wouldn’t trade them for any trophy or concert that I could ever dream. Which brings me back to my point, that our children should never be viewed as obligations, but as the blessings that they are.
He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!
(Psalms 113:9 Holy Bible ESV)
This week, let your children know what a blessing they are to you. Remind them with your words. Thank God for them. And remember that your true parental obligations are not being a taxi to football and cheerleading, but being a nurturing parent that shows the love of God.
Anna Vaagen, you can visit her over at either of her blogs:
http://www.4KiddosatHome.blogspot.com or http://www.MingleOverMocha.com
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I LOVE THIS. I found your site through a friend who is a nominee to vote for.
Thank you for this post. And for the art one below (and I’m sure the other ones I have yet to read).
I am homeschooling my children. We are just beginning our journey as my children are 6, 4, 2 and 4 months. I feel very alone sometimes and that I am the only one going through things.
When I read the comments that strangers in the store say to Anna, I was cracking up and thinking, “YES! ME TOO!” When someone says “your hands are full”. I now reply with, “Yes, they are. They are full with blessings.” The person usually gives an awkward smile and walks away. Ha!
Thank you for your hard work. The blog is beautifully done.
January
Great post Anna!
Amen!
A good reminder for me!
I love this post you wrote! Our children are blessing!
Amen, Sister!
I get so tired of hearing people complain because their kids are out of school for ONE DAY and they are all complaining and going crazy…. I think a lot of people have forgotten that it is OUR job — the parents! — to raise our children!
I agree! Well said!
Great post! Well written. I get those same comments and it tweaks me. I’ll use some of your ideas for response next time!
Thanks Anna for this! Just a reminder of God’s blessings…especially after one of those days when I didn’t feel so “blessed” to have them.
Great post!
Beautiful post! Thank you for sharing it with us!
WONDERFUL article!!! This should be plastered all across America. I get those same comments and I only have 3 children (granted they are 5 yr old twins and a 3 yr old). I agree with you 100% and like you, I always respond with what a joy my children are to me. Thank you for a GREAT post!!
I’ve had this very topic on my mind lately. Thank you for your insight and encouragement on how to handle these situations!
Amen!! I have five girls. I hear a lot of comments like the ones you mention. I feel like I’m being put down, even though the comments are said with a laugh and a smile. My children are blessings. My family is a gift from God. The criticism seems to come from a perspective that my children will be short-changed by having to share parents’ attention and time, and that they won’t have the best of everything with so many to support. All I can say is that attention is not lacking and the blessings of a larger family are more amazing than the challenges.
Thanks for this. I have recently had my fourth little one and your blog made me smile and gave me much encouragment!
As a mother of nine and a homeschooler for 11 years now you’d think the comments get easier to handle. But they don’t. It still always amazes me that as a society we have stopped viewing children as a blessing and instead see them as a hinderance. I still take all 9 (ages 16 down to 4 months) with me when I go places and I still reassure them each time someone says something negative that they are all amazing blessings and I just don’t understand how God saw fit to bless me so richly. I just wish more people felt this way!
Thanks!! I have 4 (ages 8, 6, 3 and 1) and I hear it CONSTANTLY!! I usually have my 1 year old in a backpack when people tell me I have my “hands full” I just look at them and say, “Actually, no I don’t” and hold up my “empty” hands. Obviously they don’t expect that response.
Amen!!
Amen!!
Amen!!
Amen!!
As a mother of 10 ages 13 and younger, “Thank you”. That was beautifully said.
I pray that by the faithful testimony of Christians and God’s powerful Spirit our land will once again recognize the blessing of children.
What a refreshing post – thank you!
Melissa (mama to four blessings)